


Kisses mean nothing

by RocioWrites



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Incest Mention, M/M, hikaharu onsided, hikakao onsided, tamaharu implied, tamakyo onesided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-01
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-02-23 09:10:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2542109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RocioWrites/pseuds/RocioWrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This spell doesn't vanish with loud bells announcing it's midnight.</p><p>This spell ends with them changing slowly, deliberately because they're not a family anymore - and yet, they're still a family of sorts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kisses mean nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Underage sex TW  
> Incest CW

Kyouya has the guts to tell him that he wants Hikaru because he doesn't know how to love romantically, he can't distinguish between siblings love and romantic love. _You're in love with the idea of Hikaru, not with Hikaru himself_. And it pushes Kaoru a little bit further into the room, eyes sparkling with heat. His hands twitch and his mouth twists itself into a scowl. Kyouya smiles but it doesn't come off as harsh as Kaoru thought it would.

 _The same reason you weren't sure about your feelings towards Haruhi_.

He wants nothing more than to slap that smile off of his senpai's face. He feels rage pooling at the pit of his stomach, a feeling Kaoru's not so used to - Hikaru has always been the one to get irrationally angry.

 _You need to know you're close to them and, in your mind, being really intimate equates to sex_. Kyouya continues, casually crossing his right leg over his left one. It stings to hear those words in such a calmly cold voice, devoid of all emotion or disgust.

He shakes his head and opens his mouth but no sound comes out of it. He swallows against the lump in his throat and gets it. His face splits into a broken half smile of contempt.

Kaoru doesn't reply and leaves the Third Music Room, giving Kyouya the satisfaction of knowing his words true.

//

Kaoru spends the next few days observing Kyouya because the coolness which the other conducts all of his movements with drives him mad. It's highly irksome and injects him with a kind of adrenaline that leaves him too tired to focus on anything else.

Kyouya notices - because he notices everything. But he doesn't say a thing.

 _Fucking Shadow King_.

//

Tamaki is speaking rapidly and making excited hand gestures explaining something about his new cosplay idea. Kyouya ignores him as a general rule. No one else is paying attention either.

Kaoru wants to shove Tamaki away and hear from Kyouya himself what the Host Club will be doing next. He wants to hear Kyouya talk endlessly and dissect him to small pieces like he's the latest experiment Kyouya has set eyes on. It prickles his skin with something akin to eagerness and anxiety pools in his chest, he settles for piercing Kyouya with a glare to try and see through him.

Tamaki says something about a huge dress for Haruhi and the girl shoots him a look that screams of annoyance and negation. Kyouya nods without listening to a word when Tamaki excuses himself to go to Haruhi, cries of _Please, it'll look so good on you_ being too loud for Kaoru's hushed thoughts. Hani accompanies his begging with giggles and not-so-innocent comments making Hikaru laugh uncontrollably.

All eyes are on the exchange between Haruhi and Tamaki - except Kaoru's. He seems unable to stop sending daggers to Kyouya, only getting worse when senpai starts smirking at him.

 _Fucking Shadow King_.

//

Hikaru threads on thin ice, Kaoru knows. He also knows that Kyouya knows. And yet, he can't do much. He watches his brother navigate amongst these new feelings of love, heat, fear and jealousy that are confusing, fueled by Kaoru's behavior. He notices himself doing things differently than before and he can't help it.

 _You still don't understand_.

He does! Even though Kyouya's dispassionate grin tells him otherwise. The subtle arch of an eyebrow and gray eyes piercing through him make him shudder and Hikaru's hand tilts his chin and for a moment Kaoru only desires _A kiss_. He whines pitifully and a horde of over-excited teen girls explodes in pure bliss. Hikaru blinks baffled and Kaoru blushes intensely, a real flush at that.

Kaoru feels heady and foolish and Hikaru's face soon follows his lead and blushes too. It is awkward and the burning in his insides hasn't subsided. Tamaki coughs somewhere too far away for him to hear or pay attention, Hikaru coughs too with his hand still gripping Kaoru's chin firmly in place.

Haruhi's voice is controlled and collected when she asks if they're okay, it quenches some of the fire but his lips keep tingling unexpectedly and his golden eyes look away from golden similarity, searching for cold gray ones.

Kyouya's smirks stop being passionless.

//

_What am I not understanding?_

Hikaru stops worrying about Kaoru and starts directing all his interest towards Haruhi and, therefore, Tamaki since they both are running the same race to win Haruhi's heart. Kaoru thinks he has retired too early but then again, this immense love for his twin prevents him from taking such feelings of romance too seriously now.

Haruhi glances at him every now and then because Kaoru doesn't have it in him to feel jealous of this— this “thing” the three of them have going on.

 _I've already told you. You don't want Hikaru, you want the idea of loving Hikaru so much. You desire that level of love_.

Okay.

Okay, no. Kyouya can't possibly know if he loves Hikaru romantically or not, he can't possibly understand. And yet, here they are, Kaoru feels whatever it is that he feels for Hikaru slowing and diminishing. It scares him senseless, it makes him want to cry. And he hears Tamaki accuse both twins of being devilish and trying to steal Haruhi from him.

He wants to slap Tamaki so hard that his face will stay red for days. His eyes are too glassy to spot the blond properly and instead, he shrinks in on himself, trying to ignore Hikaru's baseless protests.

From that day on, Kyouya's surveying eyes and smiles of superiority change. Kaoru thinks he doesn't understand anything else anymore.

 _Fucking Shadow King_.

//

He feels like he's losing control of everything. Of his life, of his love, of his want, of his sense of completeness at being with Hikaru, of his hate for Kyouya.

Haruhi talks to them and neither listen. Hikaru because he's too busy watching rosy lips moving. Kaoru because he doesn't understand a thing anymore.

He wants to run his hands over Hikaru's skin and see him shiver. But he wants Kyouya to do the same to him. And his skin tingles and unexplainable goosebumps dance here and there, legs twitching. He opens his mouth, uttering a longing sigh that Haruhi notices immediately. She tries to smile at him but her worry is too evident. Somehow Kaoru thinks that caressing Haruhi's skin must be lovely too.

 _Are you okay?_ Though he doesn't know if she's asking him or Hikaru or both. He nods nonetheless and brings his knees up against his chest, hiding his quivering thighs and excited groin.

Hikaru eagerly replies and pleads with her to try a new dress he has bought specifically for her. Kaoru would like to smile at the absurdity of this all. However, he finds his breath taken away when Haruhi models the strapless lilac dress for them, hair messy and eyes half lidded. The burning fire that appears inside his chest constricts everything, the air seems so scarce and Hikaru's heated eyes and smile bring a level of awareness that it's almost painful - Kaoru has become a third wheel.

It's like a sucker punch. He coughs, unable to help this awful feeling from spreading everywhere. Haruhi looks concerned and he can't look at Hikaru right now, he simply can't. Why is he the one suffering through this? The coughing fit has him on his toes and unshed tears sting at the corners of his eyes. This isn't how it was supposed to be, he's sure of it. And the chill that runs down his spine is enough to extinguish the previous fire and stop the coughing.

He wants to laugh and run and make sure Kyouya knows how appalling he's feeling right now.

 _You look so lovely, Haruhi_.

//

 _I might know now_. Not really.

 _Good_.

Tamaki produces a rose from thin air and girls swoon.

 _Why did you tell me that then?_ Kaoru can't see why Kyouya would try to show him how things really were.

 _I just did it because you kept looking at me like I owned you something_.

It doesn't make any sense.

Hani wakes up from his nap and Mori helps him comb his hair into perfection. Girls squeal with glee.

He automatically brings a hand up and brushes his hair too. _I didn't do such a thing_. The defensive tone says it all.

Kyouya smirks a bit and doesn't add anything.

Hikaru speaks of Kaoru not feeling well enough to host today and girls are on the edge of their seats, he tells them of him not being gentle enough last night and it's more than what the poor teenage students can handle. Haruhi passes by, unaffected and uninterested. It's all it takes for Hikaru to change his train of thought and Kaoru pales.

 _End it. Or it will only make you feel worse at the end_.

Easier said.

Kyouya's eyes are hard and stare at him like he can't convey into words any message better than this. The anxiety and heat are back, his chest aches and he feels like he can't breathe again. _I can’t_. Kyouya has no mercy and Kaoru nods, even when he won't follow the advice – can’t follow it.

//

Haruhi leads both of them on. Or so Kaoru thinks it looks like from an outsider stand point of view. He might be that outsider. Sometimes he wonders if Mori-senpai and Hani-senpai think the same or if it's just his undetermined feelings reacting.

He laughs at himself and listens to his brother when he's back from his “kinda sorta” date - he  nods and hums in all the right places to seem active in the conversation. To be honest, all he hears is a dazing buzzing full of words that hurt and in between all of that, Kyouya's words sound without his permission and he wants to cry because how in hell can he end it?

 _Fucking Shadow King_.

//

 _Tamaki_.

And the dirty look he receives is confirmation enough.

Said boy leaves the Third Music Room rushing behind Haruhi and Hikaru follows them like an impressive guardian dog.

 _Tamaki_. He wants to repeat it until his throat hurts. He wants to make sure to engrave the name within his bones so when everything else hurts he can remember Kyouya and his pain and how he was the voice of experience telling him what was best. _Tamaki_. Kyouya doesn't look as devastated as Kaoru is feeling and it bothers him a great deal.

The fire has never really been quenched. So he leans into him and kisses him, shyly, slowly. The adrenaline settles in his bloodstream and Kyouya clicks his tongue when he moves away. A shaky hand takes hold of Kyouya's cheek and gray eyes are too dangerous to tease.

Hikaru—

And Tamaki—

 _And Haruhi_.

And a complexity of desires intertwined and he doesn't know what to do, he doesn't understand anything else anymore.

 _Don't_.

He does it anyway and he pants various names into his new lover’s mouth, included Kyouya’s and it breaks him into a thousand pieces he doesn't want anyone to pick up.

//

It's hard to ignore the way Haruhi seems to favor Tamaki and if Kaoru could think of something more twisted than this, he wouldn't be able to come up with a realistic scenario.

Hikaru clings to him and he gazes in Kyouya's direction, wondering how Kyouya manages to not show his real feelings.

 _Tamaki and Haruhi and just plain stop looking at me like that, you have who you want right at your mercy. End this right now_.

Kaoru cries at night and Hikaru comforts him, thinking he's feeling sad because Haruhi won't ever love them back.

//

Kyouya bites down and it makes Kaoru moan and press himself harder against his lover's body. His back is clammy with sweat and his erratic breathing pattern is making him dizzy. Kaoru shudders completely helpless, fighting futilely against Kyouya's weight pinning him down to the bed. Thighs quivering, a shaky satisfied groan leaves past his mouth while he tries unsuccessfully to bring the other even closer.

_What's the merit in this?_

He shakes his head. He doesn't know, he doesn't care, he could joke about this in the future— _It doesn’t matter_.

 _It does matter_. But he doesn’t stop moving and Kaoru claws at his back, grunting at the unadulterated satisfaction it brings to not think about anything at all. _Give me something_.

He starts to chuckle though it soon turns into a broken moan when Kyouya drives into him a bit too forcefully. His senpai doesn’t kiss him, he bites his mouth instead, sucks his tongue eagerly, pushes into him and dissects every motive he has like an expert.

 _Everything_.

Kaoru cries out when a hand wraps around him, hot and heavy and Kyouya’s weight atop of him is too much.

 _I’m giving you everything_. Even if giving his everything isn’t enough.

Kyouya comes inside him and stays there until both their breathings calm down. It is strangely comforting to know this is real.

//

Tamaki produces a rose from thin air and Haruhi smiles softly – she doesn’t swoon like their customers and it’s a nice change. Hikaru looks away, trying hard not to huff in annoyance. He’s fighting against the urge to effectively steal Haruhi from Tamaki.

Kaoru’s body is too relaxed to do anything else than to hold his brother’s hand and whisper a few calming sentences to his ear. Hikaru trembles subtly and Kaoru looks at Kyouya. _How do you do this?_

Impassive. That’s who he is. And Kaoru can’t be like that.

Hani claps his hands happily as Tamaki pulls another little magic trick and Haruhi laughs. Mori is glancing at the other three, knowing the atmosphere is not really full of love. Hikaru shakes his head and stands up, he will grow up from this, he will grow out of this hurt.

Kaoru smiles sadly.

 _Stop looking like a wounded lapdog_.

_How are you not wounded?_

Tamaki pulls a rose from behind Hikaru’s ear and it’s adorable, Hani and Haruhi cheer for him to produce a dove from thin air this time. Mori moves his eyes away from Kaoru and Kyouya’s muted conversation.

_Who says I’m not?_

Kaoru hugs him tight and kisses him on the cheek – then on the lips, tongue apologetically affectionate, and the gesture catches everyone’s attention. Hikaru gapes at them. Haruhi blinks, unbelieving.

 _Thanks for licking my wounds_.

He leaves the Third Music Room, heart beating too fast, heat in his chest suffocating him and bringing tears to his eyes.

//

Kyouya has the guts to tell him they’re nothing. _You don’t love me, you don’t feel anything for me. You want me to fuck you because you feel we somehow understand each other_. His mouth twists itself into a scowl.

It feels like he has been slapped. And still, he shivers at hearing the word “fuck” coming from that velvety voice.

It’s Tamaki’s fault really. For making Kyouya love him. For bringing the twins to the Host Club and allowing them a safe space to come out of their world. For inviting Haruhi to be this important to all of them.

His knees give out and he falls to the floor, letting himself cry. Loudly. Pitifully. He thinks of Hikaru and all those dreams he has had about kissing identical lips. He thinks of Haruhi and all those times he has imagined himself and Hikaru pleasuring her. He thinks of Kyouya and all the times they’ve climaxed together calling other people’s names until the screams mutated into the lovers’ names.

Kaoru laughs through his crying fit and Kyouya does nothing to help him compose himself. He crosses his right leg above his left one and his lips form a thin tight line.

_What’s the merit in this?_

He doesn’t know, he doesn’t care. Why should they need a reason – or merit – to do this?

He exhausts himself and stays there on the carpeted floor for a moment, non-existent dust coating his uniform pants. _I’ve given everything, that’s the merit_. But Kyouya doesn’t react and he barely directs him a look although his gray eyes burn when he notices Kaoru crawling towards him. Chin up and hands moving out of the way start a fire in the pit of his stomach that spreads everywhere. _There’s nothing left of me_.

Hands trail up Kyouya’s legs and uncross them, muscles slightly trembling under the fabric.

 _Don’t. Just don’t Kaoru_.

The fire has already been ignited and the daring arched eyebrow combined with heated eyes is too erotic for Kaoru to ignore. He licks his lips and presses forward, tears forgotten.

Kyouya insists they don’t love each other and yet, they sink lower and lower. He grabs Kaoru from his hair, grip tight and unrelenting and brings him up with needless force. Kaoru moans and tries to keep touching.

 _Let me lick your wounds too_.

//

Mori’s eyes seem severe and Hani’s smile is not astonishingly saccharine as usual – it actually seems forced.

 _You should tell us if you’re dating_. Kyouya ignores him as a general rule, nodding at Tamaki’s words without paying him any mind.

Kaoru can’t do the same when Hikaru is looking at him with a tinge of disappointment and something else he can’t pinpoint. Tamaki whines at the lack of reaction and Haruhi isn’t sure if she should interrupt or not. Hikaru glares at Kyouya.

 _We’re not_. Voice calm and controlled.

 _We’ve seen you kiss_. Haruhi tries tenderly, watching Kaoru now. He simply shakes his head, refusing this, refusing to believe he’s trapped in this kind of interrogation. And Kyouya can’t be bothered enough to explain.

Is there something to explain though?

He doesn’t know, he doesn’t care— _It doesn’t matter_.

_What?_

Hikaru— and it hurts. He wouldn’t understand.

_Really?_

Haruhi— and he wants to puke or cry or run away. She wouldn’t want to know.

_You’re dating!_

_Tamaki_. It’s all Tamaki’s fault, it has to be. He needs it to be. _Shut up_. It tastes bittersweet and foreign and somewhere along the way it tastes like Kyouya has taken over his senses. He seems offended and Kaoru doesn’t find it in him to care. _Just shut up_.

Haruhi looks taken aback and Hikaru can’t make sense of this. Kaoru can relate.

 _We’re nothing. So stop it. Kisses mean nothing_. Sex means nothing – but he can’t say that out loud. Kaoru hears it nonetheless; his face splits into a broken half smile of contempt.

Tamaki protests soundly because loving kisses mean a lot and how can he kiss someone if his heart isn’t into it and Kaoru wants to laugh at such naivety. Loving kisses? He shakes his head, he doesn’t know, he doesn’t care, he could laugh and joke about this in the future— _Shut up_. He can’t handle it, he doesn’t understand anything anymore and Tamaki looks so heartbroken just like Hikaru while Kyouya puts his best poker face on.

Okay.

Okay, no. He doesn’t love Kyouya and he doesn’t want Hikaru that much now.

Mori directs them towards a far away table, Haruhi catching up fairly quickly and pouring tea for the Host King and the older twin.

Hani follows them not before sending a harsh look at Kaoru. His stomach does a somersault and he swallows against the lump in his throat. _Kisses mean nothing_. Advices mean nothing. Pleasuring the other means nothing. Lulling an unrequited burning passion means nothing.

 _We mean nothing_.

//

They mean nothing so Kaoru stops worrying – or so he says. He lets himself be cornered and tangles soft hands in black hair, absentmindedly wondering if Kyouya can see his expressions without his glasses on. He moans either way and throws his head back, presenting his throat.

A few bites later and he finds himself completely useless, legs shaking, standing upright only because Kyouya is pressing him against the wall.

 _I want you_. I might love you. _Fuck me hard_. Make me forget you don’t. Make me forget Hikaru undressing still excites me.

Kyouya bites his bottom lip and draws blood so he pants and relishes in the feeling of cautious licks taking care of the cut. He wants to laugh at this feeling of anticipation mixed with utter neediness.

 _Ride me_. And Kyouya walks away, unbuttoning his shirt and commanding him with demanding eyes once he reaches the bed.

He could mention Tamaki – would you request it the same way if I were him? – but he’s too desperate for release.

There’s no need to stop if they’re nothing.

//

Hikaru hugs him tight from behind and presses his face into his back and mumbles lowly a song they used to sing to try and go to sleep early. His heart halts when warm puffs of breath caress the latest bite Kyouya left on him. Hikaru doesn’t seem to notice and he sends quiet thanks to all the deities he can think of.

 _If he mistreats you, just tell me_.

That’s all that’s spoken to him. Kaoru nods foolishly meek because here it ends, this half dream of desiring his brother and praying for him to feel the same. It ends with two broken hearts. He doesn’t belong to anyone anymore because Hikaru has been his owner for so long without even knowing and now he gravitates towards Kyouya as if he’s adrift and lost but senpai won’t claim him. And Hikaru needs to sort out his misfortune of loving Haruhi and seeing her love Tamaki back while his brother distances himself.

Hikaru isn’t fighting for him.

If Kaoru could think of something more twisted than this, he wouldn't be able to come up with a realistic scenario.

//

 _Tamaki_.

Tamaki keeps pestering them and Kaoru doesn’t have it in him to insult him anymore. He’s too tired for this and anyway he focuses mostly on Kyouya which suits him just fine.

Hikaru seems unaffected and like he has accepted Kaoru “dating” and kissing Kyouya.

Haruhi takes him by the ear and drags him before he gets the chance to actually irritate Kyouya. He has the guts to insist they’re nothing and that kisses mean nothing. Somewhere back in his mind Kaoru wishes for Kyouya to test that statement by kissing Tamaki full on the lips, that ravishing tongue plundering Tamaki’s mouth just like it does to him. He would render Tamaki speechless and Kyouya could finally ask his loved one to ride him – Haruhi doesn’t stand a chance against Kyouya’s sinful voice ordering you around. And maybe then Hikaru could have Haruhi all for himself.

After all, Kaoru is all alone either way. Kyouya’s hot body means nothing.

//

 _You didn’t start this to make your brother jealous, did you?_ And Kaoru wants to be offended because yes, okay, they’re using each other but there aren’t ulterior motives or hidden plots here. Not when both are naked in bed, bodies spent and satisfied. Kyouya doesn’t have the guts to keep accusing him of something so low.

 _Want to make Tamaki jealous? ‘Cause this won’t work_. He thinks of entwining his hands and legs with Hikaru’s and side glances Kyouya who isn’t a cuddler. _You should fuck him though_. You should never ever let me get near you – or Hikaru for that matter. Kyouya arches an eyebrow at him and grins and it feels like he’s alive after all these dreadful nightmares. _You should fuck him like you do me_. He sighs, it suspiciously sounds like a praise.

Kyouya chuckles and lets him plaster himself at his side. He should hate Kyouya and yet, here they are. _I won’t touch Tamaki_. And it should come with heavy thoughts and deep storms embedded into it. Instead, it comes off light and full of freedom. It comes off as if Kyouya isn’t resigned but accepting.

He watches him with wide eyes and plump lips that want to kiss every inch because Kyouya is so strong and fragile all at the same time. Just like Kaoru himself. He smiles, softly, and leaves butterfly kisses wherever he reaches. Kyouya scoffs and pins him down and a sudden flame burns everything with pure passion.

 _I won’t touch Hikaru_.

Kyouya doesn’t have to reply. Doesn’t have to insist. He only has to lean downward and make sure the Hitachiin in his bed is real. Because kisses and sex mean nothing but reality and comfort mean a lot.

Somehow they agree on this tacitly.

//

“There are two reasons why people don’t talk about things; either it doesn’t mean anything to them, or it means everything.” — Luna Adriana

**Author's Note:**

> I'm kind of sorry but not sorry enough. Definitely the weirdest thing I've written for this fandom. Oh well. Blame it on my preference for angst?


End file.
